My Script

April 1^st E! Today

Host: Welcome to E! Today, an exciting celebrity program which brings you the latest gossip! I am Chelsea Handler and I will be your host on this fantastic spring day, April 1^st, 2010. Have you heard the latest news? (Referring to the viewers)

“Audience” (recorded scream): NOO!

Host: You haven’t? Well, I will be updating you about all the dirt I have on Borachio! Sooo (trying to hold the suspense longer)...the scoop is that Borachio, Conrade, and Don John plotted a scheme against Claudio and Hero to put their wedding into shambles. Oooo (excited tone of voice), guess what? Our phones are ringing off the hook! Let’s take a call from Becky Andola from Arkansas. Please go ahead!

Becky Andola: Yes, I was (quizzical voice) wondering… I heard Margaret was involved in this mischief. Is this true?

Host: Well, actually she had no idea what she was drawn into that night on Hero’s balcony. It is known that Borachio and Margaret have a little something something smiling and cheerful voice going on with one another.

Becky Andola: O ok. Awesome! For a moment there I actually believed the Gossip! Magazine.

Host: Yes, that magazine can be unreliable at times. (Giggles a little. Smiling.) Anyways, back to business! It is now known, only the truth on E! Today, that the night before their wedding Claudio was taken to see “Hero” (showing the inverted comas with her fingers) and another man together. Although this ended up being false, Claudio did not (says the word “not” with emphasis) find out until after he disgraced Hero at the altar.

Host: So, we have an awesome video recorded by one of the “villains,” Conrade, leaked onto YouTube. Please watch and enjoy this clip of Borachio, Conrade himself, and Don John talking about creating mischief upon the intended marriage.

Video Clip Playing:

Conrade (while holding the camera): So, this is documentary day 1 of the great Borachio, Don John, and I! (Should sound forceful, strong, and somewhat evil)

Don John: What’s new, Borachio?

Borachio: I’ve just had a wonderful dinner hosted by Leonato, which your brother also attended. I have some news on an upcoming marriage.

Don John: I wonder… can we have some fun with this?

--Pause Video Clip—

Host: Hear that? Mimicks… “can we have come fun with this?” Wow, that’s a shocker!

Video Clip Playing:

Don John: Who’s marrying who?

Borachio: Well… Claudio and Hero, who is the daughter of Leonato.

Don John: Hmmm… Interesting. How did you hear this?

Borachio: As I was alone, I spotted the Prince and Claudio in deep conversation. I quickly hid behind the furniture and overheard their talk on how the Prince will court Hero and then give her to Claudio.

Don John: Come, come… I can teach that youngster a lesson. It is my duty and my pleasure to do so. Will you both assist me?

Conrade: Of course, Don John!

Don John: Let us attend the dinner! If I look sad, they will feel happy, while I’m developing a devious plan.

--Video Clip stops—

Host: So, as you can see from this YouTube clip, it is clear that Borachio, Conrade, and Don John want to create havoc! Let us take another call from the viewers!

Host: Hello, um…Lindsey Scott from Florida, what is your question or comment?

Lindsey Scott: Heyy! I just can’t believe this is exactly what happened! (Shocked voice) I think it’s outrageous that anyone would think of such a thing, but if it had to be anybody, count on Don John to think of it!

Host: Thank you for your comment and I am quite sure other people doth think the same! (Chuckles) Stay tuned for the rest of the scoop…We will be right back after the break!

--Advertisements playing—

Host: And here we are again, back to the latest scandal! I have some more juicy gossip to be watched, so let’s continue.

Video Clip Playing:

Don John: The truth is revealed! Claudio will marry Hero, Leonato’s daughter.

Borachio: Yess! Let’s make more mischief on this!

…

Conrade: Dude, Don John...Borachio, the camera ain’t working no more! (A few laughs)

--A few minutes later the camera taping works—

Borachio: We will make this wedding a shambles. We will tell Don Pedro and Claudio to tell them Hero loves me. I’m sure they will fall for our trickery no matter what, and if not… we will tell them to come to Hero’s balcony and they will see me calling Margaret as Hero! This will show Claudio she is a “disloyal brat” (evil laugh) that will stop this marriage.

Host: Do you see how this scandal is escalating? What kind of people do this! Apparently Borachio, Don John, and Conrade! Keep watching for the next video clip!

Video Clip Playing:

Claudio: Do you know of any impediment to this marriage? If so, tell me!

Don John: I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I have heard some interesting tid bits about your bride to be. You may think I don’t care about you, but truly, I am only thinking of your own good.

Don Pedro: Why, what’s the matter?

Don John: I came here to tell you, that Hero has betrayed you.

Claudio: Who, Hero?

Don John: Yes, everyone’s Hero.

Claudio: Disloyal?

Don John: Disloyal is too good to describe her behavior. See for yourself…come and watch her bedroom window tonight and when you see someone visiting her, see if you still want to marry her tomorrow.

Host: Everyone still can’t believe Claudio fell for this! How could he ever imagine sweet Hero committing such a sin!? Well, keep watching to find out if the scheme was taken through with. (smiles)

Video Clip Playing:

Borachio: Tonight, I courted Margaret, Hero’s maid. I called her Hero. Those who were watching, such as Don Pedro and Claudio, saw her lean out of Hero’s window and bid me goodnight over and over again.

--Video Clip jumps to last piece of evidence—

Conrade: Testing, Testing. Pheww it works!

Borachio (confessing to Don Pedro and Claudio): Don Pedro, let Claudio kill me for this. I deceived your eyes and everyone else’s. Dogberry and Verges, two fools may I add, overheard me confessing to Conrade how, following Don John’s plan, used Margaret in the name of Hero, to slander her. I am very sorry and wish to receive what a villain deserves.

Host: At least we know the truth and there you have it… full proof of this outrageous and hurtful scandal all caused by the evil Borachio, Conrade, and Don John! Goodnight and hope you enjoyed this exclusive segment of E! Today. I’m Chelsea Handler, your host, thanks for watching.